Jealousy
I hate that I’m not her.
It’s not that I want to be her because she’s super amazing or anything. No, I just hate that everyone still thinks of her as yours, even if you don’t. That every story involves her being yours.
She’s everywhere and I can’t get her out of MY head. How do you get her out of yours? When will I ever get over this? I’m not a jealous person by nature, but hearing about HER, it drives me crazy.
And the worst part is that I know how ridiculous I’m being. I know that she can’t be cut out of your life, and I hate that. I’m selfish, and I want you to just be mine. Maybe it’s because you’re my first everything, and I want to be yours. I don’t want there to be a her.
I know you say that nothing could ever happen, but you both were YOU for so long. You changed your mind with her, what’s to say that you won’t change it back? I should just trust you and I want to trust you so badly, but I just can’t. I can’t let myself do that. I don’t know why not.
And I wish that I had the guts to tell you this. I wish I could tell you how much it still bothers me, but the truth is I’m so ashamed that I feel this way that I don’t know if you’ll ever know that it still bugs me. That’s the worst part of this jealous creature inside of me. That I hate her so much, but I can’t make her go away.
